How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
