i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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