You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
