It's like God shit irony all over that family
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
