I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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