At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
