i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
