I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
