Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The struggles of a small town man whore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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