Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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