the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize