Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
