Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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