When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
