he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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