maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
