If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
