is your mom at the bar?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
