lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
