We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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