I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
