Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
