I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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