Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We're too hungover to prance.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
