We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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