The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the condom got lost in my hair
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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