R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude i'm inner monologue high
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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