I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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