I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
