Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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