Already got asked if we're dating
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
