You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
