Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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