i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
