she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
