You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
