You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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