Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
worst night to have a conscience
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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