I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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