I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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