First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize