I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
