Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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