census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
