I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize