I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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