Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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