I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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