Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize