I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
