so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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