I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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