Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
