Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
