Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize