I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
