At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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