U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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