Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
