theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
