I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
