3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Panties = found
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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