Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
