1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
