Don't make out with my wife yet
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
