i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
