I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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