Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i now understand why vodka
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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