at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize