Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
