his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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