You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
