she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
