When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
