barbara walters just said penis...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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