I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
