It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
