Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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