why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
