I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
COCAINE IS GR8
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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