Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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