they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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