he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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