I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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