The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
