apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
