just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
