yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
