we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize