You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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