dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
