we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
