Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
