i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize