I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
