like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
